spinning swords with a red jem in the center
adults only in red blocky text, spinning

Welcome!




Things I'm Reading Right Now (click the author for more)

The Cultural Politics of Fur, Julia V. Emberley
I got this from a bandmate for my birthday (you cannot know when it is) and it is genuinely one of the best academic texts I have ever read, ever. The range of cultural, literary, artistic, fashion and social criticism is immense. I read it in conversation with a number of other texts, such as 'The Erotic Doll: A Modern Fetish' by Marquard Smith. I regret not paying attention more in my political history of fashion class.

Liber Divinorum Operumr, Hildegard of Bingen
Reading in progress. It feels so close to something greater, seeking a different future and practive, but then she is thrust back into the doctrine and dogma of the present church. There are themes of multiplicity, change, interconnectedness, and yet the great chain of being persists, the dominion of humanity is veneration and bolstered. I am uncertain whether she is encouraging a greater reading between the lines, coming up against church heterodoxy and not wishing to endanger her rare position as a woman with a modicum of social respect, or if these are closely held tenents that are being stretched and influenced by her life and mystical experience. Likely both! or neither!

But regardless, I love her explanations of different bodily and spiritual growth and renewal through the casual causal relationships between bodily and spiritual affliction. Sin, impetuousness, and the youthful flowing of marrow, for example. It is so amazing to get a glimse of the logics of another time.

Scivias, Hildegard of Bingen
Obsessed. Love the woodcuts, had a black and white edition for the longest time without looking up the full color images and they are spectaular, definbitely worth a look if you are interested in Christian mysticism or medieval representations of three-dimension spaces.

Personally, I identified with many of her passages, particularly in Vision 4: Soul and Body, passages 4-6. I am enamored with her use of the whirlwind, something contexualized for me previously through a poem of Gwendolyn Brooks which is worth quoting in full:

The Second Sermon on the Warpland

By Gwendolyn Brooks

1.

This is the urgency: Live!
and have your blooming in the noise of the whirlwind.

2.

Salve salvage in the spin.
Endorse the splendor splashes;
stylize the flawed utility;
prop a malign or failing light—
but know the whirlwind is our commonwealth.
Not the easy man, who rides above them all,
not the jumbo brigand,
not the pet bird of poets, that sweetest sonnet,
shall straddle the whirlwind.
Nevertheless, live.

3.

All about are the cold places,
all about are the pushmen and jeopardy, theft—
all about are the stormers and scramblers but
what must our Season be, which starts from Fear?
Live and go out.
Define and
medicate the whirlwind.

4.

The time
cracks into furious flower. Lifts its face
all unashamed. And sways in wicked grace.
Whose half-black hands assemble oranges
is tom-tom hearted
(goes in bearing oranges and boom).
And there are bells for orphans—
and red and shriek and sheen.
A garbageman is dignified
as any diplomat.
Big Bessie’s feet hurt like nobody’s business,
but she stands—bigly—under the unruly scrutiny, stands in the wild weed.

In the wild weed
she is a citizen,
and is a moment of highest quality; admirable.

It is lonesome, yes. For we are the last of the loud.
Nevertheless, live.

Conduct your blooming in the noise and whip of the whirlwind.

I leared of this poem through allusion and discourse, through fugitive planning in the words of Fred Moten. I think Dhoruba bin Wahad or Jared Ball or someone on Black Power Media did a whole exegisis of this poem. But for Hildegard, the whirlwind is literally "engendered by the Devil's persuasion" as described in the title of section 5. The whirlwinds lie, they seek doubt in the deepest reaches of the soul, a one sidedness that seems to point to only death or self-abdegnation. The utility of refusal, of coherent analysis, of love is apparent, especially when taken in conversation with the ending of Brooks' preceeding poem 'Sermon on the Warpland' and Orisanmi Burton's discussion of the political category of Blackness in 'Tip of the Spear':

"Build now your Church, my brothers, sisters. Build
never with brick or Corten nor with granite.
Build with lithe love. With love like lion-eyes.
with love like morningrise.
with love like black, our black—
luminously indiscreet;
complete; continuous.”

The love of those taking part in the Long Attica Revolt built their church in defiance of the devil, the great beast amerika, and while contained within the prison walls it was theirs to plan, to build and to tend, even if there are no written doctines or sermons or outlines. The containment did not stretch to their minds, to their souls, the human dignity contained within waiting for the moment to spring into motion. Even if autonomous, there was planning, the planning of silent stares, nods, motions, kites under doors, songs, and codes. Of ancestral tales and warnings, the power and pedagogy of stories.
I know this feels like a stretch and a reach but I can't not synthesize. Reading Hildegard made me crave more of the world and myself, and I can imagine a woman hearing about her, hearing her works aloud, or in some illicit peasant reading/book sharing network/Beguine community being inspired to create her church also outside of the institutions of the misogynistic church. Her words inspired me to revisit the works of Marguerite Porete, author of "The Mirror of Simple Souls," as well as other Beguine authors and mystics in the future. I was also reminded of Dorothy Day, who I must learn more about.
While I'm on the religious anarchist bent I was recently shown an amazing pamphlet detailing the life of anarchist buddhist Uchiyama Gudō:, who famously said “If priests today are really serious about creating a paradise, they must first overthrow the government. the hand that holds the rosary should also always hold a bomb.” I'll just say he had an interesting life, and was a beautiful poet.

Tip of the Spear: Black Radicalism, Prison Repression, and the Long Attica Revolt, Orisanmi Burton
This is the most important book you will ever read. If you are uncertain as to why you feel like shit, why everything now steals your data, your life, your energy, feels like an op, a scam, an experiment, why social capital and clout is the main focus of every existing social movement, why the internet exists the way it is in the past, present, and future, YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK AND TALK ABOUT IT WITH OTHERS. YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THE COUNTER-INSURGENT FORCES ALIVE AND WELL IN AMERIKA.

It has been banned from prisons in the United States, so before you're locked up give it a read.

Chobits, CLAMP
...I like the robots... she's girl,,, wings would be cool

Berserk, Kentaro Miura
Can't say anything not already being debated by 120398723957 of the worst people you've ever met

Leash, Jane Delynn
Don't read if you're not cool with reading about some stuff.... You think you're a puppygirl? You don't know jack. Dog dykes used to be a lot different. Important to know your history! Give it a read! It gets at the heart of things I think about a lot with BDSM scenes, of the power of the bottom or sub in a lot of scenarios and ways people practice. I think there's a utility to service topping (when you want to/need to just get off) but it's definitely not the same as completey wrecking and changing a person forever and having actual power over them. If you don't consider the literal dogfucking and forget about that whole component, like plenty people are icked out at the whole first part! of actually submitting! of trust and faith and risk! And if you want to be SSC that's great for you but some of us need a little more... danger. Like today, the thought of going to a hookup you only know from a classified ad and not being able to see them and being at their mercy seems terrifying because of the apps, the technology, the general map-ability of a scene and the potential for malignant actors to take advantage for their own libidinal and oppressive desires. But that's also the difference between fiction/fantasy and reality. What people crave sometimes is the fantasy, but so much so that it turns into a service topping nightmare where the top's actual desires and turn ons can be negated if they are not firm with their boundaries and desires. So what kind of world do you want to live in? How do we treat one another, relate to one another? How do we resolve or explore desire? This book really made me ask myself these questions and interrogate my experiences.

Serious Weakness, Porpentine Charity Heartscape
Also don't read if you're not cool with reading about some stuff... If you're a03 brained you will enjoy it, but you don't have to be, I'm not I just like yaoi (maybe? i guess? there is force-femming) torture (emphasis on the torture) I read this when I needed to see something more fucked up than what I was experiencing and feeling, and oh boy did this deliver!

Cunt Towards Enemy, Porpentine Charity Heartscape

What Happens Next, Max Graves

Imperialism: The highest stage of capitalism, Vladamir Lenin
This is for a reading group, it's very precient tbh especially about the role of financial capital. Lenin is also a hater and some parts are funny to read. I'm just a slut for bitchy theoretical debate. Some things are a bit outmoded, and there's that whole world systems theory debate about his math... sometimes I really wish that people went from the other angle, the colonial, libinial angle, the Fanon of it all rather than a dollars-and-cents approach to 'proving' imperialism. Like what about the literal psychic angle, the generation of value and system maintenance/primitive accumulation/accumulation by racialized dispossession. I think the phenomenon that Lenin saw here was just one small part of a much, much bigger historical process, and this isn't a new point but I think is worth restating.

Lavender and Red: Liberation and Solidarity in the Gay and Lesbian Left, Emily K Hobson
A very well done history book on the various left and revolutionary queer movements of the 60's and 70's. These groups were often focused (or lacked focus) on amerikan imperialism, and Hobson spends time on solidarity movements with Nicaragua and other South American countries. The quoted passages and images are so amazing to read, this is a side of history we have been deprived of. Hobson does an excellent job of conveying the contradictions within and between groups, such as the deficient racial politics of white lesbians, as well as the state response.

Everyone on the Moon is Essential Personel, Julian K. Jarboe
Excellent book of short stories and the titular novella that I keep returning to because they are quick and emotive. Soul-devouring. Funny. Has influenced my magical practice (see pages/phrases in Grimoire) and my understanding of my self. I love the Cretian lizard woman, the capitalistic dystopian settings that I often also try to capture in my writing, the Kafka metamorphosis taken literally, euphorically, the bodily alienation and genderfuckiness that doesn't scream categorical identity or certainty in your face but instead gender in practice, metaphor, and bearing.

Sour Milk, Natali Tautou
Good fucked up short stories. Sexy murder. Not sexy murder. I love "Downward is Heavanward," a Kurt and Courtney/t4t groundhog day tale with very sexy murder. Her method of writing is really interesting, stick around to the end to find out. I am so envious of her dialogue. "Dirty Mind" is so sexy. "Last Splash" is so messy and wonderful. "My Baby, the Hand Gernade" hits me so hard, that feeling of ruining everything you touch. Can't recommend enough.

README.txt, Chelsea Manning
Eye-opening memoir. I'm too young to remember 9/11 and the invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan and she fills in a lot of the personal gaps and cultural events that continue to today. It diverges (in a very good way) from the fairly derivative genre of trans memoirs (publishers want a certain sellable formula) with the geopolitical context and details of military life. Got to see her speak on the book, that was cool, she's very short and had well polished boots. When I asked, she encouraged hormone soverignty and trans self defense. Need to read her newer short story.

The Leather Daddy and the Femme, Carol Queen
If you want some great leather erotica that doesn't fit within rigid boundaries or categories that plague a lot of literature and old school S/M traditions (dom/sub, top/bottom, man/woman) read this book. Characters play with these roles in such an arousing and enjoyable way. Apparently there are two versions, one with more genderfucky bits that was published more recently. That's the one I'm reading and holy shit it hits. Will inspire many scenes, zines, and videos. Heads up: there is some quite literal dogfucking which like shocked me then but now comes across as somewhat tame after reading Leash by Jane Delynn

A QUICKIE FOR COCKCAGED COWBOYS, Persephone Possum
I got this through Wiggly Bird Mailing Club and it might be a different version now. But the lizard women made me cry it's so sweet and in contrast to the sheer brutality of the ranch and Heyena-man (may he never cum and never die). The descriptions of the ostriches/OHMstrich get me going the same way a Cronenberg movie does. Go support Persephone she's great.